In case you missed the Oscars, here were the highlights.
*All of the following events are fictional.**
** Or are they?
On this glourious occasion, James Franco rushes off right after consecutive classes down to the Kodak Theatre for his big day. He is about to exit the stage when he falls asleep. Numerous textbooks tumble heavily out of his blazer pockets and unfortunately piles onto his right arm. Immediately, he realises that it is a situation he will not be able to get out of. As the crowd cheers grow louder, no one can hear him scream.
As Inception takes home awards within awards within awards, the audience loses count and passes out collectively. The dream starts to collapse. Christopher Nolan gazes through the camera into the watchful eyes of the audience. He hypnotises the watchers with his smile. The stage spins ever slightly.
Some when begins the very special tribute to celebrities who had unfortunately passed away in the year. Christian Bale slowly reveals himself in mysterious smoke to the frantic notes of “In the Hall of the Mountain King”. The dead fail to stay dead as Christian Bale starts to perform unbelievable miracles. He then proceeds to turn water into wine.
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross receive Best Score from Christian Bale himself. There is silence. Plot twist: They have been behind the soundtrack of the entire ceremony all along, up till this very minute.
Jesse Eisenberg, shaking, receives and manages to drop his first Oscar. He makes an endearing self-deprecating speech, ensuring that everyone else deserves it more than he does, before being stricken with three simultaneous panic attacks. Andy Samberg takes over and announces that it has been truly… Awkberg.
David Fincher enters and takes home the award for Best Director. David O Russell screams and launches a chair on stage. Fincher flinches. Bale reportedly could not hide his smirk.
The stage continues spinning as Ricky Gervais laughs, and it echoes.