As someone who thinks that resolutions only mean setting myself up for failure, I am not one to make them. Then again, I am not the same person I was yesterday. Much less when I was a mere leech, flashing about staunch erroneous beliefs with odiously unearned self-importance.
That is not to say I am happier with the thoughts of now-me than that of the younger stranger I was before. Only that I see beyond the reflection on the mirror and understand who I really am. Unfortunately, it is someone who relishes solitude (loneliness?), revels in insecurities, and never sidesteps but plunges deep into the slightest of gorges.
Reading back on that, it does sound like I am about to take a blade to my larynx. But here is the thing – that was me, and isn’t. Not right now anyway. This piece of writing is me running a finger through the grime.
This is about starting with a slate that is not exactly clean, but polished. It is still one that will bear blemishes, reminders of how the past is just that – in the past right where it belongs.
In 2019, I am making resolutions. If there is no room for failure, there probably isn’t for improvement either. Cliches are quite often true. It honestly isn’t about whether I accomplish the goals, only that I try. Resolutions are what helps us change for the better. And I’ll be starting off with a simple one.
Learning old/new things. I will still be picking at my strings, but I am thinking of picking up a new instrument. German is also on my list; it has been years since my last class.
Finding my sport. And so I started on this late last year, finally learning cycling at age 27. Crazy! Other than getting my first bike in the next month, I’m set to find a regular class to stay active. Suppose I have to, to stop complaining about the way I look. The one thing I am keen to learn is fight sports, ans the only thing left is to find out if I have an affinity for it.
Writing more. Once, I churned out at least a dozen short stories a year. In 2018, I finally fell behind the impossible schedule, where work ate into my cherished weekends. But that is a poor excuse to stay away from something I truly love doing. This year, I will wield the phone for words, if not the pen.
Committing to people. I am admittedly insecure in my friendships; It doesn’t take long before I genuinely believe that every missed text and every brush-off must be something I did. The irony? It’s that I ghost. Many people have told me that I have a problem getting close, and they are probably right. Being conscious of the fact will perhaps ease the knowledge that this will be the hardest of all to do, but likely the most rewarding.
Enjoying things independently. Opening up to others is one thing. But me-time is another. Of all things, movie dates with myself will never, ever come to an end. I don’t think there is any greater pleasure in life than to enjoy a good film on my own. For now, that is. And as far as bigger plans go, a solo trip for a music festival may be in the works.
And finally, finish reading Infinite Jest. … I’m kidding. Life is too short for this. So there’s that. Whatever your goals are, may you all get to achieve them in 2019. x
For less depressing thoughts:
- Favourite Movies of 2018
- Favourite Rock and Metal Albums of 2018 Vol. 1
- Favourite Rock and Metal Albums of 2018 Vol. 2